Sound of pulling Heaven down

Me and my feelings for you make this blog. With a little sprits of anything in between. Things i can't or dont want to say. Whoever is reading this, this means I trust you with everything, or hella alot of stuff. Sooo here I am, as me. No walls up and completely revealed.

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!!! YOU CANT EVEN TELL SOMEONE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT ME?!?!? WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!?! YOU KNOW JUST FUCK YOU. FUCKING DUMP ME ALREADY. IT’LL BOTH GIVE US THE GODDAMN SATISFACTION AND I BET IT’LL MAKE YOUR GOD DAMN CHRISTMAS THAT MUCH HAPPIER TO NOT HAVE ME AROUND HUH YOU FUCKING BASTARD. 

I CAN FILL UP PARAGRAPHS ON WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU! AND I FUCKING DID! AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS SIGH AND SAY YOU DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT. FUCK YOU. IT MEANS YOUR FEELINGS HAVE CHANGED HAVENT THEY?!?! WELL FUCK YOU MORE. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

I TOLD THEM EVERYTHING I LIKED ABOUT YOU. TO YOUR SMILE AND YOUR EYES AND YOUR HAIR AND EVEN YOUR FUCKING STUPID ASS LAUGH. YOUR SUPPOSEDLY AMAZING PERSONALITY. FUCK YOU. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU.TELL HIM ALREADY.TELL EVERYBODY THAT YOU DONT FUCKIN LIKE ME ANYMORE.THAT IM A FUCKING DISSAPOINTMENT FOR YOU. THAT I WASTED YOUR FUCKING TIME. GO AHEAD. IT’LL DEFINITLY MAKE ME FEEL BETTER YOU FUCKING DOUCH BAG. I FUCKING HATE YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU. 

NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED. IM SORRY I COULDNT BE AS WONDERFUL AND AMAZING AS YOUR FUCKING PREVIOUS GIRLFRIEND AND IM DEFINITLY SORRY FOR YOU FOR EVER LIKEING THE MISERABLE ME. DONT FUCKING PRETEND TO MY FACE THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY. ITS NOT LIKE I TRIED. I TRIED EVERYTIME, EVEN THOUGH IT ABSOLUTLY KILLED ME. I TRIED TO ACT ALL HAPPY TO YOU WHEN I COULD SEE THAT YOUR SO MUCH MORE DIFFERENT!!! FUUCKK YOUUUUUU!!!!!

FUCK YOU FOR NOT CARING

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME CARE

FUCK YOU FOR PLAYING ME THIS WAY

FUCK YOU FOR MAKING ME LIKE YOU

FUCK YOU FOR NOT TALKING TO ME EVEN THOUGH I ASKED YOU WHAT WAS WRONG

FUCK YOU FOR NOT TRYING

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOU 

i tried. I really did. Do you know how much it killed me to try and have a conversation with you like we used to? do you know how much it FUCKING killed me everytime i tried to talk to you and it was like i was annoying you? how bout trying just to hang out with you. its not like you tried. only times we actually hung out are cuz friends asked us to or if i asked you to hang out too. you never showed me that. fuck you. 

fuck you for making me feel so used.

fuck you for making me feel so worthless.

fuck you for making feel like ill never be good enough.

fuck you for making me believe that you were so wonderful.

fuck you fo making me think you were so perfect.

fuck you for making me feel that once your done with me, ill never find a person as lovely as you. 

But the biggest fuck over

is me.

For not being good enough for both of us.

12.19 Here we go…

So I decided on making another tumblr account. I once put everything I ever felt down on tumblr, until you followed me >.< I was reluctant on giving you my tumblr in the first place. But i guess some part of me wanted you to know how i felt about you or us or anything in particular. I talked to limpin penguin yesterday and he showed me his personal blog where he basically let everything out. So since i needed that kind of thing where i can just let EVERYTHING go into a void where you cant see my true feelings, this is a perfect escape.

I want to talk to you. I NEED to talk to you about everything. Everything thats troubling me. Everything thats going wrong. Just…. everything. I hate the fact that i cant tell you. That i have to result to this.

Were growing apart. Theres no substance to US. Its changed and im wondering why. What happened.Did I do anything wrong? Or were YOU wrong. DId you think you were ready but you actually werent? Did you finally realize that you were too hasty with me?Or just simply, you were wrong about me. Im not as wonderful as you thought I would be. Have your feelings changed? In that case, I’m sorry.

I’m sorry because I know this is my fault. That I could have done so much better. I keep overthinking things. I read too much into it. I’m sorry. For being such a dissapointment. For confusing you.For wasting your time. Everyday I feel like im loosing you a little bit more. Your slipping away.

Remember the begining? You probably gave me the best birthday gift. You made me extraordinarily happy. You started texting me that day. I still have those texts.I havent deleted them. They make me smile everytime. I loved the fact that you texted me randomly becuase you wanted to talk to me. It showed that you thought about me. All the time. You texted me random shit and I liked you for that. I rememeber when you started waiting for me after class to walk with me into school. I never really thought much of it. And now i wished I remember eery detail of how we were before. Our MSN conversations were the best. They always made my day. I wouldnt have a good day with it. You were so easy to talk to. Id say something random and you’d make it into something that makes sense and worth talking about. Even when our conversastion seemed to die out and I wouldn’t say anything else. You wanted to keep me talking. And when you had to leave you made me smile and feel sad at the same time. When you had to leave me, you’d always have that “>.<” face like you didn’t want to leave. And that made me feel special, that im worth talking to. Every little thing you did for me made me extremely happy, you will never know how much.

Now looking how it is now, I just feel so frustrated. **