12.19 Here we go…
So I decided on making another tumblr account. I once put everything I ever felt down on tumblr, until you followed me >.< I was reluctant on giving you my tumblr in the first place. But i guess some part of me wanted you to know how i felt about you or us or anything in particular. I talked to limpin penguin yesterday and he showed me his personal blog where he basically let everything out. So since i needed that kind of thing where i can just let EVERYTHING go into a void where you cant see my true feelings, this is a perfect escape.
I want to talk to you. I NEED to talk to you about everything. Everything thats troubling me. Everything thats going wrong. Just…. everything. I hate the fact that i cant tell you. That i have to result to this.
Were growing apart. Theres no substance to US. Its changed and im wondering why. What happened.Did I do anything wrong? Or were YOU wrong. DId you think you were ready but you actually werent? Did you finally realize that you were too hasty with me?Or just simply, you were wrong about me. Im not as wonderful as you thought I would be. Have your feelings changed? In that case, I’m sorry.
I’m sorry because I know this is my fault. That I could have done so much better. I keep overthinking things. I read too much into it. I’m sorry. For being such a dissapointment. For confusing you.For wasting your time. Everyday I feel like im loosing you a little bit more. Your slipping away.
Remember the begining? You probably gave me the best birthday gift. You made me extraordinarily happy. You started texting me that day. I still have those texts.I havent deleted them. They make me smile everytime. I loved the fact that you texted me randomly becuase you wanted to talk to me. It showed that you thought about me. All the time. You texted me random shit and I liked you for that. I rememeber when you started waiting for me after class to walk with me into school. I never really thought much of it. And now i wished I remember eery detail of how we were before. Our MSN conversations were the best. They always made my day. I wouldnt have a good day with it. You were so easy to talk to. Id say something random and you’d make it into something that makes sense and worth talking about. Even when our conversastion seemed to die out and I wouldn’t say anything else. You wanted to keep me talking. And when you had to leave you made me smile and feel sad at the same time. When you had to leave me, you’d always have that “>.<” face like you didn’t want to leave. And that made me feel special, that im worth talking to. Every little thing you did for me made me extremely happy, you will never know how much.
Now looking how it is now, I just feel so frustrated. **
